Recovered Water Weenie

To Libby and George:  The missing water weenie is home.  But what a story.

For all of you other readers out there who will find this story interesting, let me provide you some background.  Libby, my cousin, works for one of those creative kids stores and found something quite unusual.  She and George, her husband, gave me a couple water weenies for Christmas. 

Ann fondling the water weenie

These are plastic cylinders made of soft plastic sheeting, about 5 inches long, about 1 ½ inch in diameter, and filled with slick water.  Because of the way the tube is designed it is very difficult to hold onto it.  It will shoot right out of your hand and across the room before you know what happened.  I replied to a message from Libby asking if we had received the package.  This is how I replied:

Dear Libby, George, and girls

Yes, I received my new water weenies.
No, the original one did not need replacing.  It is still in pretty good shape.

After I came back from St. Paul with that weenie I carried it to a couple business meetings. The guys at Tracor got quite a kick out of it.  Science types sit there and develop mathematical explanations for why it works.  It did have a small accident but not fatal. Somehow. I got it caught in a zipper.  There is something chilling about getting a toy of that shape caught in a zipper.  I very cautiously wiggled the zipper attempting to free the weenie but to no avail.  Finally, I just gritted my teeth and yanked hoping for the best.  Although I was in a cold sweat, I thought everything was going to be ok but then I noticed a very small leak, just sort of oozing out.  Gave me a cold chill, it did.  So, that original one gets to sit on my desk and I don't let anyone squeeze it too hard.  

Now the new ones have created a bit of a mystery.  They arrived in good shape.  Although I am partial to the original one.  It just feels better.  The new ones got passed around the room while others were opening presents Christmas day.

Mom trying to handle the water weenie

 One arrived in the hands of Ann's mother and she concluded that it was a gift from someone and that it was for her to exercise her hands.  I explained that it was a toy sent to me but I don't think that computed for her. So, anyhow one has disappeared.  We have one new one and one new missing one.  I suspect that somehow it got into Barbara booty and that she probably hasn't unpacked it.  At least that is what I am hoping.

Barbara wondering what is this thing?

Now, I have a new application for those toys.  Cold cucumbers have been used by women for many years to reduce puffiness in their eyes.  And, when you have hay fever your eyes itch and water.  I bet that putting two of those toys in the refrig for a couple hours would put cucumbers back into the garden or salads where they belong.  Before long you will probably be seeing those things crop up in beauty shops.  

Are you wondering how the weenie got caught in a zipper.  Well, a grown man cannot just go carrying one of those things around in his hand when he goes into a business meeting.  So I put it inside my zip up note pad.  It squashed it a little but not enough to do any damage. After all, it was right next to my Palm Pilot.  But, somehow it must have slipped over to the side and I must have been very anxious to get that zipper undone.  That happens when you get older.

Thanks again for such a stimulating gift.

Jim

Now back to the recovery.

This afternoon we recovered the missing water weenie.  After talking at length with Barbara; Ms. Bonage, the manager of Barbara’s residence; and Officer McBride of the Austin police department we have been able to piece together the following events that led to its recovery.

It seems that Barbara decided to take the water weenie to lunch today to show it to her friend Bonnie Adams who shares a dining room table with her.  As she reached across the table to give the weenie to Bonnie, it jumped from her hand toward Bonnie.  Bonnie, not knowing what was coming pushed back from the table in her wheelchair.  She pushed with such force that she rolled into the table behind her and broke it leg.  Off slid a whole tray of green molded jello salads onto the floor.  Apparently a couple of the elderly ladies started screaming because they did not know what was happening.  Maria who waits the tables was coming into the room with a full tray ice tea glasses.  She saw the table start to tip, tried to run over and catch it (without setting down the tray of ice tea).  She slipped on one of the jello salads, and fell into the mess.  Maria is broad and heavy of beam and the broadest part hit right on the pile of salads.  The impact forced two of the salads to shoot across the room, hitting Mrs. Simpson.  Apparently she is a little eccentric and started yelling that the communists were attacking.  Mayhem broke out.  One old man and another lady apparently fainted in the process.  We don’t think it was anything more serious.  By this time Ms. Bonage hear all the commotion and came running.   Not knowing what had happened other than seeing several people on the floor and others yelling about communists she dialed 911 for help.  That brought the fire department and the police.  In the meantime, apparently Bonnie got control of her wheelchair and seeing the water weenie, she jammed her fork right through it.   Barbara said she just sat there and really didn’t remember much about anything other than her lunch was interrupted.

We were called about 30 minutes after order had been reestablished.  Ann is terribly embarrassed.  I’m concerned because we were told that we would have to make good on all damage that was not covered by insurance.  I hope that adjuster is understanding.

Now the missing weenie sits on my desk, empty of most of its water, and pierced by 4 holes.

Jim

January 20, 2003